The first thing I chose was to change my diet: I will no longer be eating junk food, which I do to gain comfort. I eat when I feel bored or upset (which is nearly all the time) to try to feel better. Because of my medications, this caused me to gain an extraordinary amount of weight in a short amount of time. I exhibit hypothyroidism and some liver issues. Once these medical problems are taken care of, I should be able to begin my physical transition by taking testosterone, which is a huge goal for me.
The second thing is to keep this journal, in order to keep track of the lessons and my daily life. The idea is to take information, process it, and learn from it. It can also help me plan my life. It's much better than leaving things up to chance.
I am going to call UHS on Monday to set up a doctor's appointment so that I can talk to a doctor about physically transitioning. It is my goal to start taking testosterone and to begin looking at surgeries. The pain that has kept me from doing this is my fear of rejection and my fear of being judged. The pleasure of not following through has been avoiding awkwardness and avoiding coming out to my relatives. But what I could gain from beginning my physical transition is affirmation of my true gender, less gender dysphoria, increased happiness, greater confidence, and improved self-esteem.